Average reading time – 10 minutes
Earlier this month in June, I had the pleasure of delivering a workshop in my hometown, at the kickboxing fitness centre I used to train at (Del’s Fitness Centre). Helping people improve their confidence and mindset for success are two topics I am passionate about. I know harnessing these two areas really helps empower people to achieve whatever it is they want.
Too many of us have bundles of competence – we know what we are doing, and we do it well – but we lack the confidence to propel us to the next level, or to show the world how brilliant we are. We’re then missing out on the promotions, amazing relationships (not just romantic ones FYI), life-changing opportunities, new experiences, etc.
Our mindset can also be our own worst enemy, as we let the negative internal chatter bring us down and hold us back. I know because I am that person. I am not saying I had a split personality! But we ALL have that inner naughty voice that tells us we’re no good or implants unnecessary worry into our heads. Just imagine what you could achieve if you swapped “I don’t know if I can” to “I know I’ll smash it”…
With 100% of attendees at Del’s rating the 90-minute workshop as “very useful”, I know that they really related to what I was saying. This short blog article shares some of the key points I made. I hope you find it equally useful!
” Your mindset is like a heat seeking missile… be careful what you programme it to look for. ” Alice Dartnell
Your brain is a funny old thing. I always say that your brain is like a heat-seeking missile – i.e. it will look for and find anything you tell it to. Your brain will be on the hunt for the validation, options or evidence it is asked to find.
Something else is at play here too – “cognitive dissonance”. Cognitive dissonance is essentially the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes. In a nutshell, whatever you think, good or bad, the mind will look for “evidence” to support it. The mind just doesn’t want to have inconsistency. And I say evidence loosely because it is often not even fact, but our brain doesn’t like to be wrong, so it will support whatever you tell it!
When you tell yourself you’re bad at numbers, won’t be able to get that promotion, don’t have time to live a healthy lifestyle or whatever negative story is yours, well guess what? Your brain will back you up! It wants that consistency!
Your brain seeks out whatever input you give it, so you have to be careful about what you are putting in! Start improving your confidence and mindset immediately by being mindful of what you are telling it to look for. Start saying that you are smart, healthy, know your stuff, have a great skill set, etc.
For some reason, many of us think that confidence is something we have, or we don’t. We look to the confident ones with admiration (and jealousy?) because we think they have some natural gift of self-assurance that we weren’t lucky enough to be born with.
Well, take it from someone who was riddled with anxiety and had issues with their self-worth, that this is not the case. Confidence is 100% learned.
If it was as simple as just being confident or not, then you wouldn’t be confident in some areas of your life, and not in others. For example, you might be confident in social settings but struggle with it at work. It is not a case that you are not confident then and that’s it, but simply you just haven’t learned it yet.
Start to improve your confidence by learning to be confident! Read books, practice, stretch your comfort zone – this is something I guide people through in my 6-week bespoke confidence course.
This is one for the people-pleasers and perfectionists in particular – you have to learn to let go of this! Confident people know that it is ok to say no (actually it is more than ok). That you don’t have to have all the answers right now, in the moment. That progression is more important than perfection. Actually, if you are a perfectionist, make “progress is better than perfection” your new mantra.
Confidence is about being sure in yourself, and that includes what you do and don’t know. It is not about people-pleasing. So, it is ok to say to someone “that is not something I know about at the moment so let me find out for you”. You don’t have to look perfect all the time either – if you’re trying to improve on something then making mistakes is part of it, you’ll never progress if you don’t try. The trouble is, we are often so scared to get it wrong, we don’t even try. How will you ever improve this way! Like I said earlier, confidence is learned, and you learn my practicing and just doing it!
Mantra for the perfectionist… “progress is better than perfection”
Your brain is formed by input, negative or positive, so it is important that you input quality, positivity, and self-belief. If you supply it negative statements (“why am I always so stupid”, or “why can’t I get a lucky break”) then can you really expect a positive mindset? Or a super confident you to come from that? Remember, your brain is like a heat-seeking missile.
Nourish the brain with goodness. Through things like meditation, positive affirmations (aka positive and uplifting mantras), sleep, reading, trying new things, exercise and a sensible balanced diet*. You also need to watch out on the company you keep! Because of “mirror neurons” in the brain – the pesky neurons that help us build rapport and community with people… We subconsciously mirror their patterns, which also means we will pick up their bad vibes.
*Recently I have been taking a supplement called “mind health” from the brand Arbonne who I am an ambassador for. This contains amazing ingredients like sunflower seed-derived phosphatidylserine, a key building block for brain cells, and vitamin B12 to support neurological performance like concentration and focus. Use daily to help support brain health and cognitive performance including aspects like memory and learning. It has supportive ingredients like grape seed extract and CoQ10 to help maintain a healthy nervous system.
Below are links to other blog articles that you might be interested in.
Tony Robbins’ world famous “Unleash the Power Within” seminar… here are my three key take homes from the four-day extravaganza.
If you asked me what was one of the things I was most proud about in my corporate career, apart from moving up the ladder fairly quickly, it would also probably be my work-life balance.
When it comes to goal setting, you’ll have heard about SMART goals. But if SMART goals are the way to do it, why do so many of us not achieve our goals? Here is why SMART goals are stupid and some top tips how you can improve your goal setting!
Many of us get hung up on failure, or even just the thought of failure, and it can be so debilitating that it stops us from trying again and living the life we want to.
But in fact, I strongly believe that failure is a good thing and that we could all do with a healthy dose of it once in a while.
Like this article? Then why not share it on social media? Also, check out the “resources” section of www.alicedartnell.com and download your free helpful tips and tools.
If you are serious about wanting to make life-long changes and positively transform your life, then I would love to hear from you to see how I can support you.
This article is written by Alice Dartnell, life and success coach of Alice Dartnell Limited. Alice empowers busy professionals to be successful, transform their lives and achieve more by improving their confidence, mindset and time management.
For more information please see www.alicedartnell.com.