Last year, I had the pleasure of delivering a workshop in my hometown, at the kickboxing fitness centre I used to train at Del’s Fitness Centre. Helping people improve their confidence and mindset for success are two topics I am passionate about. I know harnessing these two areas really helps empower people to achieve whatever it is they want.
Too many of us have bundles of competence – we know what we are doing, and we do it well – but we lack the confidence to propel us to the next level, or to show the world how brilliant we are. We’re then missing out on the promotions, amazing relationships (not just romantic ones FYI), life-changing opportunities, new experiences, etc.
Lesson #01:
Your mindset is like a heat-seeking missile
Lesson #02:
Know that confidence is learned
Lesson #03:
Remember, confident people don’t people-pleasing
Lesson #04:
Know your brain is formed by input
Our mindset can also be our own worst enemy. Almost every minute of everyday your head is full of thoughts, beliefs, and expectations. The truth is, most of your self talk or inner chatter, is negative and self-limiting. It is too easy to let the negative internal chatter bring us down and hold us back. I know because I am that person. I am not saying I had a split personality! But we ALL have that inner naughty voice that tells us we’re no good or implants unnecessary worry into our heads. Just imagine what you could achieve if you swapped “I don’t know if I can” to “I know I’ll smash it!”
Here are four key lessons to improving your confidence and mindset for success:
Lesson One: Your mindset is like a heat-seeking missile
Your brain is a funny old thing. I always say that your brain is like a heat-seeking missile – i.e. it will look for and find anything you tell it to. Your brain will be on the hunt for the validation, options or evidence it is asked to find.
Something else is at play here too – “cognitive dissonance”. Cognitive dissonance is essentially the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes. In a nutshell, whatever you think, good or bad, the mind will look for “evidence” to support it. The mind just doesn’t want to have inconsistency. And I say evidence loosely because it is often not even fact, but our brain doesn’t like to be wrong, so it will support whatever you tell it!
When you tell yourself you’re bad at numbers, won’t be able to get that promotion, don’t have time to live a healthy lifestyle or whatever negative story is yours, well guess what? Your brain will back you up! It wants that consistency!
Your brain seeks out whatever input you give it, so you have to be careful about what you are putting in! Start improving your confidence and mindset immediately by being mindful of what you are telling it to look for. Start saying that you are smart, healthy, know your stuff, have a great skill set, etc.
“Your mindset is like a heat seeking missile… be careful what you programme it to look for.”
– Alice Dartnell
Lesson Two: Know that confidence is learned
For some reason, many of us think that confidence is something we have, or we don’t. We look to the confident ones with admiration (and jealousy?) because we think they have some natural gift of self-assurance that we weren’t lucky enough to be born with.
Well, take it from someone who was riddled with anxiety and had issues with their self-worth, that this is not the case. Confidence is 100% learned.
If it was as simple as just being confident or not, then you wouldn’t be confident in some areas of your life, and not in others. For example, you might be confident in social settings but struggle with it at work. It is not a case that you are not confident then and that’s it, but simply you just haven’t learned it yet.
Start to improve your confidence by learning to be confident! Read books, practice, stretch your comfort zone – this is something I guide people through in my 6-week bespoke confidence course.
Lesson Three: Remember confident people don’t ‘people-pleasing’
This is one for the people-pleasers and perfectionists in particular – you have to learn to let go of this! As I explain in my recent blog The Best Time Management Tool: Just Say No, Confident people know that it is ok to say no. That you don’t have to have all the answers right now, in the moment. That progression is more important than perfection. Actually, if you are a perfectionist, make “progress is better than perfection” your new mantra.
Confidence is about being sure in yourself, and that includes what you do and don’t know. It is not about people-pleasing. So, it is ok to say to someone “that is not something I know about at the moment so let me find out for you”. You don’t have to look perfect all the time either – if you’re trying to improve on something then making mistakes is part of it, you’ll never progress if you don’t try. The trouble is, we are often so scared to get it wrong, we don’t even try. How will you ever improve this way! Like I said earlier, confidence is learned, and you learn my practicing and just doing it!
Lesson Four: Did you know your brain is formed by input
Your brain is formed by input, negative or positive, so it is important that you input quality, positivity, and self-belief. If you supply it negative statements (“why am I always so stupid”, or “why can’t I get a lucky break”) then can you really expect a positive mindset? Or a super confident you to come from that? Remember, your brain is like a heat-seeking missile.
Nourish the brain with goodness. Through things like meditation, positive affirmations (aka positive and uplifting mantras), sleep, reading, trying new things, exercise and a sensible balanced diet*. You also need to watch out on the company you keep! Because of “mirror neurons” in the brain – the pesky neurons that help us build rapport and community with people. We subconsciously mirror their patterns, which also means we will pick up their bad vibes.
*Recently I have been taking a supplement called “mind health” from the brand Arbonne who I am an ambassador for. This contains amazing ingredients like sunflower seed-derived phosphatidylserine, a key building block for brain cells, and vitamin B12 to support neurological performance like concentration and focus. Use daily to help support brain health and cognitive performance including aspects like memory and learning. It has supportive ingredients like grape seed extract and CoQ10 to help maintain a healthy nervous system.
A lack of confidence can be very damaging, and we can lose it for many reasons and at any time in life. You might have had an accident, suffered abuse or simply be someone who has never possessed true self-belief. Fortunately, there are steps that can be taken to rebuild confidence.
In my exclusive article for Handicare Stairlifts, I explain the nature of confidence and give more of my top tips for becoming more confident at any age!
Are you still struggling to allocate your self “me time”? Are you a secret self-sabotger? Me too! Here are my tips for how to stop self-sabotaging today.
Habits are what gets you success. Develop the habit of allowing yourself “me time”. My blog 4 Insanely easy ways to create good habits explains four easy ways to start creating good habits.
When it comes to mastering our time management, it makes sense that we have to be organised right? The more organised we are, the more we can make best use of our time, and the more productive we can be. So, it makes sense then to have a to-do list, right? Well, NO!
If so, let me help you! Read my article Ditch The To-Do List To Boost Your Productivity to find out how you can get more done by changing the way you manage your to-do list!
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This article is written by Alice Dartnell, life and success coach of Alice Dartnell Limited. Alice empowers busy professionals to be successful, transform their lives and achieve more by improving their confidence, mindset and time management.
For more information please see www.alicedartnell.com
Copyright © 2022 Alice Dartnell Limited
Disclaimer
This blog is published by Alice Dartnell Limited solely for educational and entertainment purposes. The author and publisher are not offering it as legal, accounting, health care or other professional services advice. While best efforts have been used in preparing this blog, the author and publisher make no representations or warranties of any kind and assume no liabilities of any kind with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be held liable or responsible to any person or entity with respect to any loss or incidental or consequential damages caused, or alleged to have been caused, directly or indirectly, by the information contained herein. Every person and company are different, and the advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. Alice Dartnell or Alice Dartnell Limited is not liable for the contents of any external internet sites listed, nor does it endorse any commercial product or service mentioned or advised in this blog. You should seek the services of a competent professional as appropriate. You are responsible for your own choices, actions, and results. Always consult your own General Practitioner if you’re in any way concerned about your health.
